I Almost Answered for Her. Then I Waited.

We were on our way to get ice cream when I asked Cami where we were going. She didn’t answer. Normally, I would have waited a second or two and then answered for her. “We’re going to get ice cream.” That’s something I’ve done for as long as I can remember. I ask a question, give her a chance to answer, and if she doesn’t, I give her the language. Sometimes I repeat the question afterward.

But this time, something told me to wait. So I did. A few seconds passed. Then a few more. And finally she said, “To get ice cream.” She knew the answer. She had known the answer the entire time. She just needed longer than I was used to giving her.

I think sometimes when we get used to what our children can do, we also get used to how they do it. I knew how long Cami usually took to answer a question. I knew when a pause meant she didn’t know. I knew when to step in and give her the words. Except apparently, I didn’t anymore.

Her thoughts are getting more complicated. She has more language to choose from. More experiences to pull from. More information to sort through before she answers me. And somewhere along the way, the little pause I had always given her stopped being enough.

Nothing dramatic happened that day. She answered a question about ice cream. But I haven’t stopped thinking about those few seconds because I almost filled them. Not because I was rushing her. Not because I didn’t think she could answer. I was doing exactly what had worked for us before. It just didn’t fit her anymore.

So now I wait a little longer. Sometimes she answers. Sometimes she doesn’t. But I’m learning not to decide what the silence means quite so quickly.

Maybe she doesn’t need the answer yet. Maybe she just needs another second.

The unfiltered version of these stories lives in my emails. That’s where I say the things I hold back here. 

If you’re looking for a simple starting point, I put together a free guide on building vocabulary through everyday moments. You can start with that here.

If you’d like to read more, you can find my book, Your Daughter Is Weird…, here.